A Warm Fuzzy Tale by Claude M. Steiner is a children’s story where everyone in town was happy because the day they were born they were given a bag of ‘warm fuzzies’.  Whenever a person felt like they needed a ‘warm fuzzy’ they would ask for it.  Warm fuzzies were prolific in the town.  Whenever a warm fuzzy landed on you, you would feel ‘warm and fuzzy’ all over.  People never ran out of the little fuzz balls and everyone was happy. (I used to call the dust under furniture or beds fuzzy fur balls!)

Well, in essence this tale defines what affection produces in us.  It makes children and adults who have had it respond in a like manner.  The principle is “what you give to your child, you will reap in return”.

However, it is even more serious than you may think.  Apparently, according to scientists, without affection given to newborns and babies their brains don’t seem to develop properly.[1]  Such was the case with thousands of Romanian children that ended up in orphanages during the time of Nicolae Ceauşesc’s dictatorship. Ceauşesc wanted to double the population of Romania, forcing parents to have children they couldn’t support which resulted in babies being left in orphanages.  There were so many babies that their carers had no time to hold the babies and give to them the affection that a baby requires.  Thus, the babies were left in their cots without any ‘warm fuzzies’, starved not for food but affection.

[1] Alienation of affection by James W. Prescott PhD http://www.violence.de/prescott/pt/article.html

It is said that affection is as necessary to a child as the food it eats or the air it breathes.  Affection is a term that indicates warm and tender feelings that is often displayed through human touch.  It is natural to hold a newborn and to want to kiss it on the hand, forehead, feet or cheek!  That display of tenderness and touch feeds the soul of a child and encourages development and growth.  Without it a child is stunted.

Physical touch in the form of affection will convey love, acceptance, protection and care.  It says to your child, ‘you matter to me’, ‘you are important’.  A child will gain emotion, strength and security from your hugs.  I find passengers coming out of the arrivals department at airports such an inspiration.  You can see all the people arriving along with those that have come to pick people up.  When it’s a loved one, either a friend or family, the first signs of recognition come over the face.  The eyes light up, a smile comes across the face, then it’s “the embrace”.  The tender moment that all have been waiting for: ‘Mummy’s home’, ‘Daddy’s back’, or ‘Grampa is here!’

It is interesting how a parent’s heart can melt when their baby begins to smile.  What a delight!  A smile indicates affection because the one looking at the smile perceives acceptance.  You can say a great deal to your child through your smile.  It says, ‘I am so pleased to see you’.  It conveys to your child acceptance and pleasure.  Combine a smile with picking them up and giving them a hug and a kiss and you have communicated to them, ‘I love you, you mean a lot to me’.

Children need to feel the tenderness of physical touch from their parents.  Your child is a gift to you and not only do you need to say, ‘I love you’, but you need to back those words up with affection and feed their soul.

This past week I listened to an interview on BBC’s “This Week” show with Sally Bercow, the House Speaker’s wife.  (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-13726364) They were discussing the whole issue of sexualization of children.  I was surprised when Sally said that close to their home was a beauty shop that is open weekends specialising in the treatment of children as young as sixteen months of age.  The shop has a range of treatments for your little ones from a manicure to having a fake spray tan.  What would motivate a parent to have their sixteen-month-old baby spray tanned?

The truth is these shops would not have these products available if there was not a market for it.  Parents need to be careful not to push children into something they, as an adult, would want.  When a child shows some interest in a particular area or displays a potential talent or gift, some parents play out through their children dreams, desires and aspirations they would like fulfilled in their own life. If the parent wishes they could have been a talented singer, footballer or beauty queen, they may begin to push the child towards that vicariously living their life through them. An example of this can be found at the Mail Online.  Their article is entitled: “Pint-sized pageant queens, pushy parents and tantrums galore: Toddlers and Tiaras is back - and so are two of its biggest stars”  (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2003969/Pint-sized-pageant-queens-pushy-parents-tantrums-galore-Toddlers-Tiaras--biggest-stars.html#ixzz1PXhJ2agE) Little girls acting like they are 20!

Children have wonderful imaginations.  Our youngest daughter always used to say, “Imagination that, Mommy!”  One way to combat the graphic images confronting children today is to develop their imaginations.  Story time is a great tool.  From the time our children were little we tried to cultivate a love of books in them.  We would leave thick-paged or cloth books in their cots or cribs, read to them at every opportunity and tell them stories.  As they got older they would role-play and begin to “pretend”.  We bought dress up clothes, everything from a princess outfit to an apron for cooking or a construction hard hat.  Hats in themselves make for great stories.  You can model this to them by putting on a hat and then playing out the part.  When we would go on a holiday Jim would take along books that he would read either in the car as we travelled or at our destination.  One summer none of us wanted to leave the room until the book was finished.  At that point the two youngest were teens but they had well developed imaginations. 

A child’s mind needs to be nurtured.  Like a plant a child will reflect what they are fed.  In our western culture children’s minds are being bombarded with mature and often sexualized images.  The sexual images on commercials, in programming, clothing, and material on the internet is not what a child needs.  We want to nurture that which is good, wholesome and upright because what we sow into our children we will reap.

I, for one, am very grateful that our government is concerned for the family.  Equally I am proud of parents for being tired of the whole sexualization that has crept into our society to the point where they are not only talking about it but also want to make a difference.

“The sexualization of young women is a public health problem…you can’t raise healthy children in a toxic cultural environment.” Kilbourne, Twitter April 9, 2011

So is this truth?  Can we, as parents, really not raise healthy children when there is so much that is vying for their attention?  I agree media and marketing have played a huge role in encouraging our children to engage in “being adult” much before their time.  However, that does not make you powerless.

I remember taking my grand daughter out on her 10th birthday and going to what I considered a sensible store.  However, what she chose as an acceptable clothing item and what I thought was acceptable were two very different articles!  Another time we were going to buy a CD for one of them for Christmas but when the lyrics came to light there was no way!

There is much that you can do to guide your child through this time.  But the most important thing is to affirm them.  Tell them they are great looking, that they are smart and that they are a gift to you.  Tell them from the beginning and keep on telling them.  And if you haven’t started from birth, now is a good time to start.  Self-confidence is built into children by their parents.  So, communicate.  Speak to them about the images they see and what is being portrayed.  You want them to know that you are approachable and a good listener not judgmental.  At the same time you want to build discernment into their character: ‘is this acceptable?’  ‘Should this be acceptable?’

Watch and listen to what they are watching.  If there is something you don’t agree with, or are disturbed by, discuss it with them.  Often young people will just sing along to a song without even thinking about the words.  You need to have a good look at the content and then discuss it with them.  Words are powerful!  Do you want your child singing about ‘so many boys, so little time’ or wearing a t-shirt with that phrase emblazoned upon it?  When you are purchasing clothing for your children, look at the words and ask yourself, ‘Do I want this spoken over them?’  I went to buy a dress for our one-month-old granddaughter the other day.  I just wanted something sweet, something that looked cute but could be worn at anytime.  I ended up in disappointment.  Even at that early age the clothing was reflecting “sexy”.  How sad!

Young girls and boys need to develop a healthy self-image.  Then they can learn to be themselves rather than blindly following the crowd and becoming a “sexy tweeny”.  Allow them the privilege of having a childhood based in innocence and fun, not one that is driven by media marketing.  At the same time educate them so they can develop opinions and not be driven by the “in crowd”.  Let us have some positive answers for our “toxic cultural environment” and develop happy homes!

As a parent it is wise to instruct your child in matters of what is ‘right’ and what is ‘wrong’.  I think most people desire to see others with a true standard of morality, not just pretensions that they have no intentions of living up to.  More and more often in the news we hear of politicians or footballers that lack character and have fallen into some scandal.  The problem with this is that the younger generation is looking to these leaders, someone they can emulate.

What can you do as a parent to draw some clear lines in the sand as far as morality is concerned?  First, be what you expect from them.  In other words, practise what you preach.  If you are expecting honesty from your children then be truthful yourself; don’t make them lie for you.  For example if the phone rings and it is someone you don’t want to talk to at that time, don’t have them cover for you by lying.  Secondly, help them develop a conscience.  If you hear them lying or catch them at it, then stop what you are doing and discuss what they have just done.  Tell them it is inappropriate behaviour and that it could really hurt themselves and others.  Read them some stories with lying for example as the theme.  As you come to the end of the story follow through by discussing the moral dilemma that the main character created by lying.  Ask questions about what the person could have done differently and what were the consequences of their actions.  Children need to be taught about cause and effect.

Children need to learn respect for people around them and they do that best when taught at home by good role models.  Take the lead in developing good character in your children’s lives.  Then, society will reap the rewards of your hard work!