Category: Frustration

Boring!!

23/8/2012

Did you know that there is actually a place called Boring? It's in Oregon, USA. Go ahead, look it up. However, boring is not a word I like at all coming from the lips of children. The word boring implies feelings of listlessness and discontent. It means your situation is dull and uninteresting and that is not a place I wanted my children to live.

If our children ever said the word "boring" I would inform them that if they didn't have something to do I had a bucket and a mop so they could clean the floors! Funny thing I never had any takers on the mopping. It is interesting how when a suggestion of something that truly is dull and uninteresting comes up the imagination kicks in and they find all kinds of interesting things to amuse them.

Far too often parents have to take their children to somewhere so the kids can enjoy themselves. To a degree, parents destroy their children's imaginations by constantly feeling the pressure to amuse their kids. I am not saying that it isn't important to play with your children because it is. However, they also need to learn to discover, invent, create, imagine and read all on their own.

It is amazing how children in counties that have very little are content and happy. They do not look the least bit bored. In fact, give them a ball and they can play for hours. When we were in South Africa, a few of the children had made a city out of the pieces of cardboard and things they had picked up that were laying around. Genius! How much more can our children do with all the abundance they have at their finger tips.

Bored is not a word to encourage. Don't allow your children to be discontent and listless. If that is the way they feel then it's time to unplug the computer and turn off the TV. They have become spectators instead of participating in life.

(image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

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Don’t Let Go Until…

8/6/2012

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When our children were young we used reins to keep track of them on walks. We wanted to give them the independence of walking but not wandering off. We did this for their protection and our sanity.

As the children grow up you can no longer use real reins but you need to keep hold of the invisible reins on your child’s life.

With a horse reins are used to direct it, indicate when it should speed up or slow down. If you want a horse to stay put, you may tie the reins to a post. Similarly with children these invisible reins guide, encourage and caution. There will be times in the life of your children when you will need to rein them in, steer them in another direction or just slow them down. As your children mature, you also need to give them more slack on the reins. This is called independence. Give it to them and then monitor what they do. For example, your child may ask to play at someone’s home. Before you agree you would most likely check to see if the parents are home, agree to a time frame and make a condition that all homework needed to be done as soon as they got back.

This decision you make is giving some slack to test the waters. When the child comes home or you pick them up depending on arrangements, ask them all about their time. What did they do or watch? Were they on the computer? Ask lots of questions about what they did with it. Then don’t say anything about homework and see if their side of the agreement will be fulfilled without prompting. This may take some reining in on your tongue but remember you are extending some slack. If the homework is not tackled then the next time you will pull the reins back by saying no.

All through a child’s life you will be training them, giving them more and more room to fly. However, never let go!

I remember one of our teenagers asking us to help her say no to things people asked her to do. We knew that compassion and serving were very much a part of who she was. She was gifted and could do many things. But she could be driven by other people’s expectations and desires. We had to help her prioritise her life and gave her (all the children in fact) permission to use us as a scapegoat. We would discuss the situation with her, ask her what she really wanted to do and if necessary list the pros and cons. We would then ask her what she thought. If she didn’t want to do whatever was being asked we would say no. We did this so she could go back to her friends, teachers, or youth group and say my parents said no.

Hold onto the reins of your child’s life all through their teen years. Just because they are 16, doesn’t mean they don’t need you - they do! There will be times when you may have to hold on tightly or steer them in a different direction. Ultimately the time will come for you to cut the reins and give them complete freedom but you will know and be satisfied that your job is done!

(photo courtesy of www.FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

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Rude Tones

16/3/2012

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Should parents accept their children speaking to them in harsh, rude tones? Does it really matter? Perhaps the child just needs to let off some steam and get it out of their system. Interesting thought! However, there are two issues that need to be addressed here.

First, there will be times when your children, just like you get frustrated or hurt. Children are very perceptive and very much in touch with their feelings. When they are disappointed, annoyed or hurt they need to learn to deal with emotions in a correct manner. I am not talking about them stuffing what they feel but learning to speak about what has transpired and what is on their minds. The big issue for you as a parent is a listening ear. When a child is troubled it means you need to muster the emotional strength to hear what they are saying. They may need to bring something into the light that they have been hiding from or are ashamed of. The most important thing you can do is ‘listen’, not jump in with solutions.

If need be, you may have to bring them to a place of forgiveness. This is a major key to keeping children from becoming bitter. They may need to forgive a friend, a teacher, a sibling or you. It is better they operate easily in forgiveness because without it bitterness settles in their heart and it will defile their character.

However, there is the issue of them speaking rudely or in haughty, sharp tones to you. When a child speaks rudely, they are dishonouring. If they continue to speak rudely to you they will to other adults and peers as well. Don’t allow your child to speak to you in a dishonouring manner. You don’t need to shout at them, a gentle answer turns away wrath. I would say, ‘I beg your pardon’ and then explain that what they said or the way they said it was inappropriate. Then have them apologise to you for being rude or dishonouring. Your response to them is, ‘I forgive you. Would you like to try that again?’

Children need to be made aware of what is acceptable behaviour. In doing so, you are training them. Do not be afraid to correct your children’s speech and attitudes. It will teach them to how to honour and give respect.

http://www.dreamstime.com/baby-girl-thinking-imagefree157328

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Boring!!

Don’t Let Go Until…

Rude Tones

Bonnie Inkster

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