Bonnie and I were talking the other day about how we had trained our children to behave in a restaurant. We used to take them to McDonald’s and all the various fast food restaurants where we expected them to sit and eat their food, not run around the place disturbing all the other customers. When they were done, they could go to the play areas, no problem. But they had to be finished their food before they did that. But the other day we were talking about dining at a level above fast food.
We decided in preparation for their future we would take them out to an expensive fine dining restaurant (usually using offers that soften the blow on the wallet) on their birthdays. We thought this was important for when they became adults their career path might take them into these situations. We wanted them to be comfortable on those occasions.
We got into quite a debate as we liked to call it rather than a fight as our children would have labelled it over the importance of such training. One of us took the side that it was essential and a requirement of all parents to train their children in this way. The other one of us took the side that we were simply imposing our values and what we thought was important on people.
When something is important to you, you think everyone should value it too. It seems impossible that someone could choose not to value the same things, or, heaven forbid, not even care for it as a thing of importance at all. How can that be? Everyone knows how important that is, in fact, essential. But is it? Really?
The main thing for parents to understand is your values shape your children. If you haven’t thought about them, now is a good time to start. Ask yourself questions like, ‘What do I expect from my children in a shop or a restaurant or in public?’ Another question might be, ‘How do I want my children to talk to other people or to me?’
Unfortunately values, or things of deep importance, are not simply assimilated by association alone. They need to be taught. You need to know what you want your child to learn and then set about giving them the opportunities to learn it. For example our granddaughter of 11 months visited us recently. She is crawling everywhere and into anything that catches her eye. We have a shelving unit with various wonderful knick-knacks displayed, even at floor level. Bonnie started to put them up so she couldn’t reach them. But our son asked her to leave them as they were training her to not touch and respond correctly to them saying, ‘No, don’t touch.’ Their values are her obedience to their vocal commands and to respect property.
To impart that which is important to you takes thought, discussion and implementation. You don’t need to impart my values, that really is superficial and not the point. What you need to realize is you have values and they need to be shared diligently with your children. The end result will be children that bring honour to their parents.
We decided in preparation for their future we would take them out to an expensive fine dining restaurant (usually using offers that soften the blow on the wallet) on their birthdays. We thought this was important for when they became adults their career path might take them into these situations. We wanted them to be comfortable on those occasions.
We got into quite a debate as we liked to call it rather than a fight as our children would have labelled it over the importance of such training. One of us took the side that it was essential and a requirement of all parents to train their children in this way. The other one of us took the side that we were simply imposing our values and what we thought was important on people.
When something is important to you, you think everyone should value it too. It seems impossible that someone could choose not to value the same things, or, heaven forbid, not even care for it as a thing of importance at all. How can that be? Everyone knows how important that is, in fact, essential. But is it? Really?
The main thing for parents to understand is your values shape your children. If you haven’t thought about them, now is a good time to start. Ask yourself questions like, ‘What do I expect from my children in a shop or a restaurant or in public?’ Another question might be, ‘How do I want my children to talk to other people or to me?’
Unfortunately values, or things of deep importance, are not simply assimilated by association alone. They need to be taught. You need to know what you want your child to learn and then set about giving them the opportunities to learn it. For example our granddaughter of 11 months visited us recently. She is crawling everywhere and into anything that catches her eye. We have a shelving unit with various wonderful knick-knacks displayed, even at floor level. Bonnie started to put them up so she couldn’t reach them. But our son asked her to leave them as they were training her to not touch and respond correctly to them saying, ‘No, don’t touch.’ Their values are her obedience to their vocal commands and to respect property.
To impart that which is important to you takes thought, discussion and implementation. You don’t need to impart my values, that really is superficial and not the point. What you need to realize is you have values and they need to be shared diligently with your children. The end result will be children that bring honour to their parents.
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