The other day we were driving with Bonnie’s parents to buy pears from an orchard shop. Her mom was giving me directions. She said, ‘Make sure when you turn the corner to stay to the inside lane’. Having spent 13 years in England I wasn’t sure what a Canadian meant by the “inside lane” any more. I asked which lane was she talking about. She got exasperated because I think she thought it was her crazy son in-law trying to be funny. So she re-emphasised the words “stay to the inside lane”. At which point I asked Bonnie to intervene.
You see in England the inside lane is the lane closest to the edge of the road not the one closest to the middle of the road. In Canada the inside lane is the one closest to the middle of the road. I really didn’t know which lane she wanted me in until we got this figured out. Amazing considering we are speaking the same language!
How much does this happen within relationships? Mom thought she had made herself perfectly clear. I was completely unsure which lane she wanted. How about you and your partner? Are you speaking the same language? Are you discussing issues or the behaviour of the children but not really understanding what the other person is saying? Are you assuming that if you understand they understand?
We can hear words clearly spoken to us and totally misinterpret them. In Chapter 16, Team Sport, of 24 Secrets to Great Parenting Bonnie and I found this to be the case. “When we first got married, Bonnie would tell me something broke. I would say, “Call a repairman”. Even though she heard me she heard it through her filter of “Dad always fixes things”. She wouldn’t call anyone. I would ask several days later if it was fixed. She would say, “Oh, you fixed it”. My response was, “No, I thought you were calling someone to do it”. We had to discuss our expectations and correct them, as we were now a new family.” (Page 112-113)
As I explained with my mother in-law we were talking the same language but hearing two different things due to our cultural interpretation of the words. We bring “family and cultural” interpretations into our relationships. Have you ever considered that some of the misunderstanding in your relationships could be from this source? When you discuss your situation together look for clarification of what certain terms mean. It’s wise to be using the same language to avoid accidents.
(image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net)
You see in England the inside lane is the lane closest to the edge of the road not the one closest to the middle of the road. In Canada the inside lane is the one closest to the middle of the road. I really didn’t know which lane she wanted me in until we got this figured out. Amazing considering we are speaking the same language!
How much does this happen within relationships? Mom thought she had made herself perfectly clear. I was completely unsure which lane she wanted. How about you and your partner? Are you speaking the same language? Are you discussing issues or the behaviour of the children but not really understanding what the other person is saying? Are you assuming that if you understand they understand?
We can hear words clearly spoken to us and totally misinterpret them. In Chapter 16, Team Sport, of 24 Secrets to Great Parenting Bonnie and I found this to be the case. “When we first got married, Bonnie would tell me something broke. I would say, “Call a repairman”. Even though she heard me she heard it through her filter of “Dad always fixes things”. She wouldn’t call anyone. I would ask several days later if it was fixed. She would say, “Oh, you fixed it”. My response was, “No, I thought you were calling someone to do it”. We had to discuss our expectations and correct them, as we were now a new family.” (Page 112-113)
As I explained with my mother in-law we were talking the same language but hearing two different things due to our cultural interpretation of the words. We bring “family and cultural” interpretations into our relationships. Have you ever considered that some of the misunderstanding in your relationships could be from this source? When you discuss your situation together look for clarification of what certain terms mean. It’s wise to be using the same language to avoid accidents.
(image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net)
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