Have you ever been in a restaurant or shop and heard a haggard parent saying: “If you touch that, or if you don’t sit down, I’m going to do something to correct you”? The correction is usually a threat of some description, aimed to instantly evoke an obedient response from their child. Instead the child ignores them and keeps on doing what they were doing before the threat. Or in some cases they increase their misguided behaviour. What do the parents do?
Nothing!
No action to back their words up. They usually just repeat some inane threat that the child completely ignores by continuing to do just exactly what he or she wants.
What is the problem? The problem is not the child, the problem is the parent. Idle threats with no consequences! In fact, if they heardsomeone else saying the things that they have just said, they would laugh at how ridiculous it sounds. The child knows that their Mummy or Daddy is not going to walk the talk. They have learned that their parent’s yes is not a yes and their no does not mean no.
Why do parents do this?
One reason they give is they are afraid of the consequences of correcting their child in public, in case someone reports them to social services as an unfit parent. There are a number of flaws in this argument. Firstly, if you don’t teach your child to be obedient to your authority, they will most likely get you into a situation at some point in their life, where you will have to deal with the authorities regarding the appropriateness of their behaviour. Secondly, it is basically a mirror image of the lack of authority and respect that exists in the home. Thirdly, it shows a mistaken idea that obedience is acquired through physical punishment, such as a smack on the backside.
To cultivate obedience in your child you need to walk the talk. You need to act on your words and to do that consistently. Did I say consistently? Yes! Consistently! If you are inconsistent, you lose the effectiveness of what you are trying to accomplish. A child needs your consistency in saying what you will do and then doing it. If you are going to shape their behaviour and ultimately their attitudes, you will only do it through consistently backing up your words with action.
(excerpt from Chapter 3 of 24 Secrets to Great Parenting, Pg. 21)
(image courtesy of Vichaya Kiatying-Angsulee/FreeDigitalPhotos.net)
Nothing!
No action to back their words up. They usually just repeat some inane threat that the child completely ignores by continuing to do just exactly what he or she wants.
What is the problem? The problem is not the child, the problem is the parent. Idle threats with no consequences! In fact, if they heardsomeone else saying the things that they have just said, they would laugh at how ridiculous it sounds. The child knows that their Mummy or Daddy is not going to walk the talk. They have learned that their parent’s yes is not a yes and their no does not mean no.
Why do parents do this?
One reason they give is they are afraid of the consequences of correcting their child in public, in case someone reports them to social services as an unfit parent. There are a number of flaws in this argument. Firstly, if you don’t teach your child to be obedient to your authority, they will most likely get you into a situation at some point in their life, where you will have to deal with the authorities regarding the appropriateness of their behaviour. Secondly, it is basically a mirror image of the lack of authority and respect that exists in the home. Thirdly, it shows a mistaken idea that obedience is acquired through physical punishment, such as a smack on the backside.
To cultivate obedience in your child you need to walk the talk. You need to act on your words and to do that consistently. Did I say consistently? Yes! Consistently! If you are inconsistent, you lose the effectiveness of what you are trying to accomplish. A child needs your consistency in saying what you will do and then doing it. If you are going to shape their behaviour and ultimately their attitudes, you will only do it through consistently backing up your words with action.
(excerpt from Chapter 3 of 24 Secrets to Great Parenting, Pg. 21)
(image courtesy of Vichaya Kiatying-Angsulee/FreeDigitalPhotos.net)
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