When I trained to be a teacher a number of the professors emphasized over and over again that yelling at the students would lose its effectiveness if used too often. The students are no longer shocked by the raised voice. It becomes the norm and they simply ignore it. While if this happens in school, it will happen at home too.
Do you feel your children are ignoring your requests? Do you feel frustrated? Could it be you have numbed them to your voice by yelling too much? What do you sound like? What do your kids sound like? Why don’t you try recording your family interaction either with a video or audio device? We all have phones now that can do both. You might be surprised at how often you raise your voice in regard to talking to your children. If your children yell often, you have an indicator of what you are doing. Where would they have learned it? Who modelled it for them?
Volume rarely motivates action. Most of the time a small, still voice will be more effective. They need to quieten down to hear you. Initially it may not happen but if you speak softly and carry out your words they will tune in to what you are saying. If you quietly say ‘stop colouring there’ and there is no response, then remove the crayons, move them to another spot and redirect their activity. If you say ‘it is time to get off the computer’ and they ignore you, then go to the computer and shut it down. If you say ‘time for bed, go get your pyjamas on’ and they don’t, then take them by the hand to their room and help them change. Sure they may kick up a fuss but don’t give in. The longer you have yelled at them without any consequences the longer it will take to change a habit. Consistency is a parent’s best friend.
You may not like the effort it takes to be consistent in changing from a loud yell to a soft voice but it was consistently using a loud voice that got you into this place. Consistency works to reinforce either good or poor behaviour. Use it to effectively bring about positive change.
Do you want change? Are you tired of their unresponsiveness? Frustrated? Well, we need to look at the things we can change that will bring a positive response. Only we can do that.
(image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/FreeDigitalPhotos.net)
Do you feel your children are ignoring your requests? Do you feel frustrated? Could it be you have numbed them to your voice by yelling too much? What do you sound like? What do your kids sound like? Why don’t you try recording your family interaction either with a video or audio device? We all have phones now that can do both. You might be surprised at how often you raise your voice in regard to talking to your children. If your children yell often, you have an indicator of what you are doing. Where would they have learned it? Who modelled it for them?
Volume rarely motivates action. Most of the time a small, still voice will be more effective. They need to quieten down to hear you. Initially it may not happen but if you speak softly and carry out your words they will tune in to what you are saying. If you quietly say ‘stop colouring there’ and there is no response, then remove the crayons, move them to another spot and redirect their activity. If you say ‘it is time to get off the computer’ and they ignore you, then go to the computer and shut it down. If you say ‘time for bed, go get your pyjamas on’ and they don’t, then take them by the hand to their room and help them change. Sure they may kick up a fuss but don’t give in. The longer you have yelled at them without any consequences the longer it will take to change a habit. Consistency is a parent’s best friend.
You may not like the effort it takes to be consistent in changing from a loud yell to a soft voice but it was consistently using a loud voice that got you into this place. Consistency works to reinforce either good or poor behaviour. Use it to effectively bring about positive change.
Do you want change? Are you tired of their unresponsiveness? Frustrated? Well, we need to look at the things we can change that will bring a positive response. Only we can do that.
(image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/FreeDigitalPhotos.net)
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