
LATE late.
I was freaking out. Not only was I unemployed, I was 24 and I had not yet learned to drive. I did not have the necessary skill to transport my own wife to the hospital. That is about as emasculating as a fact gets. Even if we did manage to take a bus ride over that particular speed bump that left the secondary issue of the fact that I did not want to have a kid. Not yet.
It was time to consult the white stick of fate. As we waited for its decision, I could feel my life of leisure balancing on a precipice, and I was sure it was going to edge over into oblivion. Then the stick of fate wrote those sweet words.
Not pregnant.
You see, life without kids is bloody great. This is something everybody knows. If you are a parent then you know because you remember how bloody great it was. If you don’t have kids, then you know because your life is bloody great. Despite this, there often comes a point in a couple’s life together when one of their respective brains decides that it is time to abandon all reason and continue the human race. This has been happening all around us for a long time, and we have managed to stay cool, but then one day my wife wanted a baby yesterday. It was still not a good time, because as my brain was quick to point out, we were still in debt from my prior unemployment and my current income could never cover what we needed if we did have a baby.
Also I still couldn't drive.
Then a couple of years later, life had changed. I was working for myself, we were working our way out of debt and I was working my way out of excuses. So after a lot of discussion, we stopped trying to not have a kid.
I was ready to have a tiny Toby in my life, however with each month that passed without a
pregnancy I did not feel disappointment. Instead I felt quiet relief. The stick of fate had granted me another four weeks of lying in every day, haircuts, swearing during daylight hours and all the other delights of a childless life. This was until one morning in January. I was shaken awake and there, being waved at an inappropriate distance from my mouth, was the stick of fate.
Pregnant.
1-2 weeks.
Bloody great.
The bun was in the oven. The train had left the station. The toothpaste was out of the tube. I had to go on a long drive to think about things. I had to listen to a Snow Patrol* album. This was because the knowledge of this new life was a death knell to my old one. I found myself
pining for the things I hadn’t done before we decided to have kids. Debt had been holding me back from many of them and now, just as it had started to get out of my way, something else had taken its place.
I was surprised at what happened in me after this. As the dreams I’d had before were forced to fade away, I found that my new dreams were even bigger. I realised that instead of looking back, I was now looking ahead to a life full of even greater possibility. I could feel it in front of me, it was like a wave rising up and I was ready to turn around and ride it. I found myself full of creative energy. I had new business ideas. I had new ideas for writing. I exercised more than ever. I started reading a self help book about success. Doubt gave way to hope and many of my concerns dulled in the light of the love I felt for my unborn child. I was going to be a dad and it was going to be great.
Then... (to read more click here)
(image courtesy of renjith krishnan/FreeDigitalPhotos.net)