
What do I mean by that? When members of the family are arriving for a visit, I have to purposefully stop what I am doing and in essence close up shop in my mind. If I allow business to go on as usual, I will be sitting with the family not really listening. At times all I could think of was getting back on the computer to check this idea out or write an email to resolve some situation. I have heard the family laughing and then realized I haven’t got a clue what was said that was so funny. Bonnie and I now have a little pact where I go through a ritual of laying everything down before the children arrive so that I am present.
In one home we visited the children only spoke to their mother at dinner even though their father was at the table too. He would say something, they would look at him and then turn back to their mother and address her. I asked the parents about this phenomenon after dinner. The father said it was his fault. Over the years even though he was there in body at dinner in his mind he was totally preoccupied. The children had learned this and only talked to their mother who was present in mind and body.
Our presence is so essential to our children. It reinforces their sense of worth and value. Your body being in the house does not tell them that you love them. You need to be engaged with them. The old saying that children need to be seen but not heard is ridiculous. It so undervalues a human being. We need to be supportive, encouraging and actually reading between the lines for nuances of problems that our children are having. This takes concentration. I know what it is like to have so many different thoughts and needs spinning around in my head. But I have found that when I actually put them aside the break and the good company refresh me. I am in a better place to deal with all the pressing matters after a break with the family than if I kept on working. Try it, you’ll find it pays dividends.
(image courtesy of Ambro/FreeDigitalPhotos.net)